i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
