I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
