i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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