You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
