I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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