I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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