Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't turn off my feet"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
