I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
