4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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