thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
