so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
