i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
