I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
