If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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