margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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