Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
