Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
