remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
