and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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