How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
