Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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