he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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