margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
