Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
