wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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