My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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