he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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