Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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