she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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