I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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