it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
