So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
