Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
