Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You don't make any sense
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