guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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