Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
