Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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