Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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