the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
