so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
