ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
