2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
