I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
