He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
