Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I smell stomach acid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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