well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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