But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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