omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
