You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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