i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I smell stomach acid.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
