he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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