I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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