I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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