i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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