you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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