fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
