It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
