you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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