I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
