its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
