Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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